welcome to zen thinking, my new me. one that's been sitting in the back of my mind, unsettled and anxious to escape, for a very long time.
ever since i first heard the word Zen way back in high school in the late 80's, i was intrigued. the very sound of the word gave me goosebumps, without me even knowing the secrets it pointed to.
i wasn't cool enough to have a nickname in high school, but i always wanted one. all of the interesting characters in movies had them, so why couldn't i? little did i know at the time, nicknames are usually bestowed upon a person, they're earned, not chosen like a tattoo off a parlour wall. but if i could have chosen a nickname for myself, it would have been Zen. so, that's exactly what a nerdy-me did in my 1989 high school yearbook. i captioned my grade twelve grad photo with something i didn't quite understand, but with something i was drawn to, and certainly aspired to become, Zen.
that intention eventually faded though, as many of the dreams from youth seem to. as i moved to a new city and tried to figure out what to do with my life, the searching for zen inside me was somehow lost. i bounced around from job to job, lost and confused in the world, numbing myself however i could, wondering if the emptiness i felt was all there was to look forward to.
i eventually stumbled into a career in the music industry, which was everything i had dreamed of, and i happily became consumed by it, for more than two decades. but something unknown still tugged at me deep inside, something unrealized, something that yearned to be awakened to.
unhappy and unsettled with life, i began a quest for meaning, for purpose, to reveal my true self.
as i sat and dug into my inner being, i listened to my what my body was telling me. it became clear that much of my unease was rising from an unanswered calling that started in my childhood; i had always wanted to be a writer. it was one of my earliest passions, even before i fell in love with music.
rewind to a few years earlier, as i was developing an independent career for myself as a music business consultant, i came to realize that whatever it was that i wanted in life, i had to first begin by placing my full intention into it. i discovered that if i wanted to become a paid Speaker for example, then i first had to think of myself as one. and once i made that internal change, and projected myself as such, the opportunities soon started to roll in.
so it dawned on me that if i wanted to be the Writer that i knew was hidden inside, then i first had to think of myself as one, before anything else. if i continued to put things before it, or in between it, then my writing would never be fully realized. writing needed my full intention, my entire focus, and of course, i needed to follow through with determined, committed action.
so i faced my fear, woke up one day, and called myself a writer. when people asked what i did, that's what i told them. this was the mind-hack i needed to do, to begin the work towards doing what i truly wanted, to design the life i truly wanted to live.
zen thinking was the spark that awakened me.
so what you see here is the fledgling beginnings of my new passion. Zen Thinking is where i can finally be myself and where i can feel completely at home. it's where i can share all of my writing, my creativity, and my ideas, whether it be through books, poems, podcasts, photographs, or through any other type of creativity or artistry.
this is zen thinking: poems from a mountain, podcasts by the sea.
i'd love for you to follow along. let's go on a journey together, shall we?