Relationship Advice for the Here and Now

words and photo by Brian Thompson. 

words and photo by Brian Thompson. 

Everything in our life is a relationship.

Most of us don't tend to think of the "trivial details” that make up our lives from the viewpoint of us being in a relationship with them, but when we do it shifts the entire dynamics of our daily experience in a fundamental way by inserting mindful intention into the centre of our present awareness.

We have a relationship with every iota of phenomena we encounter, no matter if it’s a person, place, time, space, or even conscious thought itself.

We have relationships with our work, our family, our friends, and most important of all — with life itself. In fact, we even have a relationship with this present moment, here and now — which in turn defines our entire living experience.

Pause for a moment or two, close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and observe the nature of your energy, patience, willingness, and temper of mind with which you engage the present moment in.

What do you notice?

Many of us don’t have a very healthy or happy relationship with reality, rather it’s one that’s often quite abusive. We berate it. We judge it. We’re mean to it. We fear it. We wish it were somehow different than what it presently is. We often don’t accept reality as it is, we resist whatever the current moment contains, and in such a way, our relationship with it is defined by nothing other than struggle.

There’s good days and bad days in any relationship, the energy and vibe changes depending upon the situation. But to have a truly healthy relationship, we need to understand the environmental triggers that affect attitudes of engagement and interaction.

To achieve this, you must first become an ever-present witness to the nature of your relationships. Just watch, without doing anything else — this is only a mission of collecting information. Observe how you interact with not only the people you encounter, but with every particular situation you find yourself in, and including those where you’re alone with yourself. This is mindfulness.

What is your relationship to this very moment, here and now?

Are you open and receptive to the flow of these words and to this concept of thought, or are you closed off and resistant to them? Are you distracted and finding it hard to stay focussed? Perhaps you're avoiding something that needs to be done, and your mind is wandering as it dwells on your list of procrastinated tasks. Are you agitated and bothered by something and you’re not sure why? Are you smiling, calm and content for no reason at all, or are your eyebrows scrunched and your teeth clenched while you wish for something in your present environment to change?

The quality of your overall well-being and your ongoing experience with life itself is solely created by the intention you bring into your relationship with the present moment — this is one thing that affects everything else.

Like it or not, you’re in a longterm relationship with Now, so you’d better learn to get along with it.

You can’t escape Now. It’s always here. If you can’t learn to peacefully co-exist and get along with Now, then you never will, as its ever-present. No matter what time it is, it’s always Now.

This is the problem for many of us. We keep waiting for something to change and for happiness to somehow spontaneously arrive, but we fail to realize that the only thing that needs to change is ourselves.

When you change your attitude towards the present moment to one of wonder, curiosity, appreciation, love, respect, compassion, patience, acceptance and awe, the present moment welcomes you with open arms.

When you completely surrender to the Now, no matter what it might contain, the universe breathes a sigh of relief and says, “At long last, you’re finally here, you’re finally noticing me.”

Living in such a way, you become boundless — limitations and resistance fades away. Life becomes an open opportunity with an ever-blossoming potential to grow. In essence, you embrace infinity itself.

Every single moment is a relationship between you and what presently is, so whatever energy you bring into this relationship will determine whatever you take away. If you engage with it from a position of trepidation, then your world will be filled with nothing but fear. But if you engage it with an attitude of calm and non-judging acceptance, then your world will be dominated by peace, contentment and joy.

Sit silently with yourself. Observe your quiet energy. Notice your thoughts. Where do they drift? Don’t judge whatever it is you find. Don't engage with your inner-dialouge, just observe it. Question it. What is your current energy a symptom of? What relationship of yours is it a reaction to? What is its originating source?

Whatever you observe in your relationship with the present moment —notice it, acknowledge it, accept it, surrender to it, and release it.

If we wish to find true happiness in our every-day life we must move beyond our intellect and conceptual thinking, and live in the realm of pure, direct experience alone with non-judging acceptance. Only when we dwell in this seat of pure awareness, effortlessly, unbound by expectations or fear, only then will our relationship with the present moment, and the world itself, be limitless and free.

Nurture your relationship with infinity — begin in this very moment, here and now.