the inner turmoil of starting from scratch

words by Brian Thompson, photo by Jennifer Picard Photography.

we all have our demons.

those haunting memories
from damaged times gone by.
unshakeable events
which colour our thoughts
and shape us into who we become.

our common goal is to tame our inner miseries.
to quieten the noise.
to silence the inner critic.
to accept the past for what it is,
the past.

what was is no more.

my peace with my past
was achieved through
solitude.
time with myself.
deep introspection.
a process of struggling
through loneliness, stress,
and a despair over the unknown.

i had an unshakeable anxiety
over what may or may not come next.

yet in my unwelcome solitude
i found me my calm.

not within a weekend retreat,
nor a ten day holiday-in-the-sun,
but a two-year separation-from-society
that found me my mental respite.

a removal of self
from all that was
and had been.

perhaps it was more mental than physical,
more figurative than literal,
but the loneliness
and awareness-of-self
felt no different
than if i were a man-in-a-cabin-in-a-bush.

i experienced
a cleansing of the soul,
a refreshing of the spirit,
a finding of my self,
and a freeing of my mind.

solitude and loneliness
allowed me to find and follow
my purpose, my passion.
and the essence of me.

starting from scratch
was painful and unfun.
yet necessary
for who i had to become.

my time alone
allowed me the space
to step back and see...
the real me.

i caught a glimpse of my true nature,
and i refused to let it go.

my point is this,
we cannot escape pain,
it is what makes life be.
but we can lessen it.
awareness, acceptance
and moving on are key.

don't let resentment
burn a hole in your soul.

old mistakes matter no more.
let go of old wounds.
move on, let go of regret,
and embrace the now
for what it is and will always be.

brian thompson

slightly revised from a poem
originally written & published on October 2, 2012